no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize