we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
