In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
