even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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