I think I just saw someone hide a body.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
