TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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