Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize