Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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