some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize