I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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