you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
