I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
