so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
