areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
