you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
