no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
