i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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