Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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