chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
