i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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