sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
