Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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