yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize