All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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