Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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