this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
