i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
