I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
