She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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