im drinking this country out of the recession.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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