epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
