It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
