The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Even my vagina gasped.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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