like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
