That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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