you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
