so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
