I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
