dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
