Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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