thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
