I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
