So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize