i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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