I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
