This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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