yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
