Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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