i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
