Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
