I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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