i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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