We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize