No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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