Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
