Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
