she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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