So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
