Please, let me fuck your mom
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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