Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
