If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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