so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
