I hate all girls vehemently.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
