areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I didn't notice because vodka
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize