I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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