My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize