8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
