is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
