I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He has the fingertips of a God
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