We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
