forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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