i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
