Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
