I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
