I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
