Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
