some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
