she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
