he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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