I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
