I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
