why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
