so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
