The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
