So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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