Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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