Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail

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(330): View more from Ohio

I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.

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(407): View more from Florida

My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.

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(248): View more from Michigan

No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.

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(775): View more from Nevada

Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.

(1-617): View more from Massachusetts

Pics or STFU

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass

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(314): View more from Missouri

GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS

(636): View more from Missouri

.........That big, huh?

(314): View more from Missouri

No. I would cut it off

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