I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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