I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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