Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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