Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I smell stomach acid.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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