What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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