I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
there is glitter all over my balls
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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