It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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