Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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