are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
