I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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