Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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