What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
