She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
