so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize