I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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