It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
