I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
