Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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