You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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