You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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