you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
