This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just want to make out with him forever
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
