i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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