Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
