well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
They are going to name an STD after you.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
